Why is Nate so violent — what's his backstory?

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What we know for sure

1. Strict, perfectionist upbringing under Cal Jacobs. Nate’s father, Cal, is demanding and emotionally abusive. He holds Nate to unattainable standards—especially in athletics—and is openly critical, humiliating him over failures.

2. Cal’s double life and hidden sexuality. Cal is secretly bisexual (pansexual), has intimate encounters with men and trans women, and records these encounters—often with underage partners. He suppresses these parts of himself, in large part out of fear of his own homophobic father.

3. Nate discovering Cal’s secret and feeling betrayed. As a child, Nate found tapes in Cal’s study that show Cal with other men/trans women. The shock and betrayal of discovering his father's secret life skew Nate’s view of intimacy and masculinity forever.

4. Unresolved sexual insecurities and identity struggles. Nate’s strong attachment to power, control, temptation towards violence, and rigid ideas about what masculinity means all stem in part from internalized shame. The show leaves ambiguous whether any direct abuse (sexual in nature) took place, but it's clear Nate is haunted by intense fear—especially that he could become a target of the sorts of abuses he discovered.

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Interplay of trauma, identity, and violence

• Projection and control: Because he fears weakness (sexual, emotional), Nate overcompensates with aggression, manipulation, and dominance—particularly in his relationships with women and anyone he perceives as vulnerable.
• Shame masked as anger: Missing genuine emotional intimacy, Nate channels guilt, confusion, and lust into rage. His father's hypocrisy and demands fuel cycles of self-loathing and outward cruelty.
• Fear of exposure: Knowing Cal’s secret and tapes exist, Nate lives with paranoia—afraid of what others might think and what his father might do. This gives rise to desperate attempts to control what others see of him.

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What’s ambiguous / still speculative

• Physical abuse? Yes—Cal does use violence or intimidation (e.g. beats Nate, verbally humiliates him).
• Sexual abuse? Not definitively established. The show includes dream sequences and traumatic fears that suggest Nate may have imagined or feared sexual boundary violations. But the narrative does not confirm that Cal sexually abused Nate.

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Nate’s violence—toward others and himself—is less a choice than a symptom. Born of feelings he doesn’t fully understand, shaped by a home full of secrets and shame, it’s how he tries (and often fails) to feel in control. That’s what makes him one of the show’s most tragic characters.